one two three fourrrrnication!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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