the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If I had your ass I would rule the world
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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