theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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