never play flip cup with pint glasses
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
