i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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