I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
