so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
