If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka