Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place