I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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