My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.