Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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