in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going