There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?