I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
