Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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