if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If that was your dad, he is hot
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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