how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Rumble strips road head = magical
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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