You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
