your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
