no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
