I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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