Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
