Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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