dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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