Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It was confusing and full of hummus
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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