I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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