And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
