my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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