my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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