I wish I could punch you in the face.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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