She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
