if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
