So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
