i think i have two assholes
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
