She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
honey bunches of taint.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
