just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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