When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
