They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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