He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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