I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
