you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
