Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
