Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
