see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dignity is for republicans.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
