He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
