shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
