Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
