Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm having to shit out rocks
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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