I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
