There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if i can run in heels then i can drive
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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