Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
handjob tips. give me some.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
