She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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