So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
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I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
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idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize