I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
