The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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