I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My ass is underappreciated
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
