Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
