i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
