is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
