I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
