So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
