Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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