my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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