I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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