I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
