Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
