I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
