My friends, they love my intelligence
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
