apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
