I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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