Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
