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• (925): View more from California

  when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car

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• (813): View more from Florida

  yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing

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• (206): View more from Washington

  My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  come over i need a lifeguard for my shower

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  How high are you?

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...

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