Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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