and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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