Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
