I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
